dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
