How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
