my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
no you cant smoke seaweed
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
