I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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