Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
