Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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