I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
