i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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