I hate your face
I look better un-naked...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
