I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
