i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
