i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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