I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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