Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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