you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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