after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
