how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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