There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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