Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
