Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm really busy with my period
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