Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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