Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
