That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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