This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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