This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
