giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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