I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
