Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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