dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
