puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
