True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
