Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
