Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
