Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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