When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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