My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
