17 year olds will be the death of me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
