Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
