you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
