The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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