i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
