Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
