Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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