mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm like, not good at living.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
