if you like me you must not know who I am
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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