She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
