the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
