You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
