I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
