Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
