The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
