i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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