I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This girl is more easily done than said...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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