Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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