I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
In other news, I just burned my penis
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
