mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
