flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
