his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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